Questioning this.

So yesterday and today there are some criteriums/kermesses rather than the classic road races. These are my first crits in Europe, so I’m pretty interested to see how things shake out. Yesterday I went to one just outside Rotterdam – 100km crit, 60 laps of a 4 corner circuit, all of it on cobblestones. JFC!!! Who the hell designed this course anyway!

The best part about the day: something I learned from my last race paid off in spades. After being shelled in Belgium I took a step back and realized I couldn’t warm up with my teammates any more, since all they do is a soft pedal for 15 minutes – and when the races start with an average speed of 48kph in the first hour you’d better be ready to ride right from the start (no warming up in the peloton!!!). So this time I made 3 fundamental changes to how I go to races (I know I should have been doing these from the start, but sometimes you get so caught up in things that you miss the basics):
- do a solid warmup with intervals (1/2 an hour, with at least 4 intervals of 2 minutes each – they hurt like a biatch when you’re doing them, but when the race starts you can ride at full speed right away while others are hurting to recover)
- get to the start line early and be at the front right away (this makes life so much easier when you already start out in a good position!)
- learn more about the race before arriving there – start times, course description, feed zones, have a basic strategy, etcetera

So yesterday I did all three and it worked out wonderfully – I did my research and knew about the race before hand (however as I was riding my bike the 2 blocks to my car to drive to the race I rode over some glass and shredded my rear tire – I had to speed by work to steal a tube and tire and SPEED to the race to make it on time – never a dull moment :o), I did my warmup on my own (it hurt, but I knew it would help), and I got to the start line early so I was on the front row (actually right behind last years winner and this years points leader in the crits – I’ll see if I can find some photos).

So the race started really well as I was in the top 20 and even higher for the first 20 minutes – and feeling GREAT. I was even taking some pulls, which was probably a bad thing to do – I don’t have enough experience/fitness to take pulls and still expect to ride a good race! But after about 40 minutes of racing something happened – I don’t know what it was, but I started dropping back, and soon I found myself well back in the peloton, which is exactly where you don’t want to be – ever. After another 10 minutes I dropped out….and I was feeling really shitty about it. My legs were still good, but I didn’t want to be there – I just wanted to crawl under a rock and cry.

I don’t know what exactly happened – but it was totally mental. As I’ve mentioned I’m having a tough time with how things have been going for me recently, and I don’t feel very strong mentally or spiritually. I’m really questioning whether I want to keep doing this racing routine. I think it’s natural to have highs and lows (if you’re always on a high or a low I think somethings not right), but the lows should last a week at most before you start really wondering what’s going on. Well I’ve been down for a few weeks now, so it’s not like this has just popped up on me.

The question that keeps popping up in my mind is: am I having fun racing in the peloton?? My first race in Belgium was a complete blast – I really did have a fun time then. But what’s happened since then? I’ve had nothing but DNF’s, and it’s really getting me down. I’m not really having fun in the peloton any more – and if I’m not having fun, why am I doing it?

There’s so much to do and see in life and I’m spending all my free time and energy whizzing past it all trying to stay tucked safely in the peloton – and right now I’m not enjoying it. I’ve got to find out what I’m really getting out of this and decide if it’s worth continuing or not.

I’ve got another race this afternoon (80km criterium), then some teammates and I are going out on our time-trial bikes to practice for next weekend: the Dutch Club Championships. It looks like a great weekend of racing, with a time trial and criterium on Saturday, then a team time trial and road race on Sunday…..not much time for recovery, so it’ll be interesting to see how it goes. The top 12 clubs from South Netherlands and the top 12 from North Netherlands…..yikes.