For the non riders out there: Bet You've Never Heard of This!

As a cyclist of many years I have to say I've had my fair share of saddle sores. It's an oft ignored topic in cycling circles - something not often discusses as you sprint for your local town sign; yet I know others have had them at some time. So here's a little tirade on saddle sores. WARNING - if you are fait of heart or have just eaten you should not read this. Mom - you shouldn't read this either!

To start, for the uninformed (and curious), a quick definition of a saddle sore. Myriam-Webster Online says:
1 : a gall or open sore developing on the back of a horse at points of pressure from an ill-fitting or ill-adjusted saddle
2 : an irritation or sore on parts of the rider chafed by the saddle
Ok, those sound pretty close. But I haven't ever ridden a horse (nor am I a horse, for that matter), yet I've succumbed to the crippling effects of a saddle sore, so there's got to be something else.

A google search revealed some interesting results:
- depending how I type it, I get upwards of 350,000 hits - surely 1 of them must have the proverbial pot-of-knowledge at the end of this sweat and bacteria induced rainbow.
- one website has 8 pages on how to reduce/remedy saddle soreness, and then 1 paragraph on how to deliver the decisive blow to your unwanted nether-guests of bacterial origin. Not helpful at all - they just skipped over the juicy parts (hardy-har-har!).
- the Bicycling website has an 'About' section that addresses the issue quite nicely, including no nonsense descriptions of some afflictions to which the human body can succumb. If you're not a rider I'm sure you never dreamt (nightmared?) these conditions were even possible. Here's the link if you'd like some casual reading; or, for those that practice, some unique ammunition for your quiver of voodoo magic. http://bicycling.about.com/od/injuries/l/aa042699.htm

Enough of the web descriptions. In practical terms, a simple saddle sore is like a pimple somewhere between your where-the-sun-don’t-shine hole and you’re most-private-of-private parts, a few hairs east or west of the geodesic joining these two sensitive areas (aka choda…..wow, never though I’d use that word in my blog career). I can assure you the simple saddle sore is very uncomfortable, and often painful. However they often pass as quickly as your standard issue pubescent facial affliction know as acne. As an observation, like your teenage acne, the time for a saddle sore to pass may only be a few short days but it certainly feels like eternity.

Treatment is much the same as you remember from your junior education days – keep clean; dry the area often; disinfect if possible; wait for it to come to a head and drain.

Unfortunately every once in a blue moon something goes wrong with the acne cycle of life – perhaps the bacteria heard rumors of Darwins Theories and deciding he might just be on to something they refused to surrender to the standard onslaught of modern anti-acne SWAT tactics. Or maybe the thought of hard-core chaffing from sitting on a saddle too long frightened an emerging pube enough for it to make a 180 and head back where it came from (read: ingrown hair).

Whatever the source, sometimes a saddle sore does NOT fit the regular mold and refuses to die the quick and complete death it deserves.

A friend of mine recently had a problem with a "super" saddle sore - I use the term super to reflect the unnaturally strong characteristics of this saddle sore; I most certainly do not mean to lead you to think any thing about saddle sores (short of their departure) is super. It had been 14 days of relatively pain free riding on something he described as a fleshy buildup about the size of a peanut just below the surface that refused to come to a head; unfortunately the peanut would not go away, and was ever so slowly getting bigger. He had tried everything:
- 2 bottles of chamois cream in 2 weeks (probably a record)
- anti-bacterial soap and creams
- different shorts (at least 4 different types)
- two pairs of shorts at a time (to reduce friction – a tip I recommend for anyone getting into biking or at the start of the season – your butt will thank you)
- sleeping in the nude to keep the area well aired

Finally he’d had enough and took a week off the bike to see what would happen. During that time he spoke to his riding friends (some of which were sure good sources of information as the list included former Olympic and Tour de France cyclists) about their tips and also gathered contacts for cyclist-friendly doctors in his area.

After a long week full of sleepless nights away from the bike he is finally back in the saddle again – I just went for a 2 hour road ride and then a 3 hour mountain bike ride with him, and he’s pretty happy with the situation.

Hopefully this is the last my friend has seen of the dreaded saddle sore – but only time will tell. Wish him luck!!